I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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