Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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