omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
