If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
