Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
