Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
