Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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