It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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