getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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