Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
