Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
