he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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