I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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