you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You are the jesus of drinking
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
