I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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