He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
