At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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