i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
