If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
