I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
