can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
