I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
