i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
