This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
