oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
