I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My liver just had a heart attack.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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