home. puking in laundry basket.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
