whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
