dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
