I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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