i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
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