You just made me feel so damn special
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
