he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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