i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
