i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
