I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
