addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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