so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
