I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
