Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
