I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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