So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
