last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
