I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Randomize
