um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
