The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
