I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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