she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
