she was so not down for the gang bang
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I've blown a few things in my day
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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