Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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